If i could tip my vagina, i would.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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