Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
