Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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