I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
