My first STD was from a foam party
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
it hurts more in the daytime
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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