I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
