i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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