I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I love having hate sex.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
