Nicole vs. Life
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
