Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
