I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
