Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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