dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
