how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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