there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
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so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
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ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
His nipple licking is glorious
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