bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
