omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
