So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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