that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
