Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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