My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
