There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
