Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Send help, water and tortillas.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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