Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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