Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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