my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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