Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My pussy is not your playground.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
