No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
