In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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