We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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