you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
