i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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