well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
