I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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