do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
