You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
