she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"