you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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