The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.