Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
there was a trapeze. enough said
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
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Is my lip ring still in your hair?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
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I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I have fence marks all over my body
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised