my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
