Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize