He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
