My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We are two peas in an std pod
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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