My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
