he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
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On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
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Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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