i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
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