kristin has been a bad kristin
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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