Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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