Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
