this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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