I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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