Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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