There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Sorry about my life...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
