If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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