I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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