I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
