Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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