Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
