hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
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