i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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