I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
