that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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