its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
