Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
