I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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