i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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