How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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