My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
