I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
