tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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