i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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