Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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