We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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