Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This baby is an asshole
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
