just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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