I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
