And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
