me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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