If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
