This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
