No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
