he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
