What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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