You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
