So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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