Got a toothbrush?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
