Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I need moral support for this bender
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
