life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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