i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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