Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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