is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize